----------

In what seemed like only a week to us lowly Earthlings, the course of an entire summer has passed for the citizens of Smallville. Summer break is over (I guess we just had to assume that school ended sometime between last week's ep and this week's), and everyone's back in classes.

Lana is taping Clark for a "video letter" she's preparing for Whitney (as I'm sure Clark is someone Whitney's just dying to hear from), and he's bashful and unsure of what to say.

LANA: It's okay, Clark. Just say what you feel.

Um ... and that would be what, exactly? Somehow I don't think "I'm glad you're gone so I can move in on your girl," hits the right kind of note. Anyway, Pete shows up and performs for the camera glibly, all the while updating us clueless Earthlings what's been going on over the summer (it's been hot, they're recovering from the aftermath of the tornado, are you still paying any attention to this at all, etc.). Clark wants to take a rain check on his own performance, and Lana suggests that he drop by The Talon later.

Chloe shows up, and Clark gives her a very happy-to-see-you hug, though she looks pained. Oh get over it, Chloe. You're getting very tiresome. She sums up where she's been over the summer: in Metropolis doing a Daily Planet internship. Apparently there was some consideration by Chloe's family to move there, but her dad decided to give "LexCorp" (what, the first thing Lex does after taking over is change the name of the company to LEXCorp??? Or was that a tongue-in-cheek remark by Chloe? Or a slip by Allison Mack? It could really be any of those things) another shot.

Clark seems genuinely to have missed her, hugging her and telling her that he's glad she's staying. She appears bitter by his lack of correspondence over the summer, however, and remains a bit distant. She even makes up some malarkey about having met a "really hot young intern" who made her forget about Smallville for three whole months. Clark doesn't look pleased by this, but doesn't say anything.

For the first time, we get to see Smallville High students in class! Pete and Clark have biology together, and Pete is moaning and groaning about how "the aged Mrs. Kowalski" always kicks off the class with an ancient sex ed film. Lana and Chloe are also in the class, and they sit together near the back of the classroom while Clark and Pete are up front.

In strolls Ms. Atkins, an extraordinarily scantily clad woman. Is that a dress or lingerie? Anyway, she has long dark hair, full, pouty lips, and everyone's attention is immediately caught. Clark and Pete are stunned senseless, while Chloe and Lana are less than impressed.

While Ms. Atkins may be young and nubile, she follows in the footsteps of old Mrs. Kowalski by showing a sex ed film -- starring members of the animal kingdom. <snicker> Members. That sounded better in my head. It's so hot that everyone is sweaty, including Lana and Chloe. (Who, may I add, look far cuter than the whorish Ms. Atkins.) Ms. Atkins -- or as I like to call her, Evil Slut Woman -- is at the back of the classroom and Clark keeps sneaking looks at her, much to Chloe's disgust. Soon, Clark is so hot and bothered that something scary happens with his eyes -- they become flame-like, and jets of heat shoot from them, igniting the projector screen. Everyone flees in panic.

Somebody saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave me ...

Lex pulls up in a sleek car (what else?) at the front of the school, where everyone is milling about.

CLARK: (happy) Lex!
LEX: I came as soon as I heard.

I swear to God Clark is about to say "Aw, shucks," when Lex breezes by him without a second glance ... into the arms of Evil Slut Woman!! Nooooooooo!!

Lex is all concerned for the Evil Slut Woman, who tells Lex that Clark was the only one who kept a cool head; he was the one who put out the fire. Lex says that he is unsurprised, then introduces Evil Slut Woman as Desiree Atkins, his FIANCE. Nooooooooo!!

Clark looks as unhappy as we are, saying that he didn't even know Lex was seeing anyone. He asks Lex if he's sure about this (his relationship with Desiree), and Lex replies that he's never been more sure about anything in his life. Good viewers, you must excuse me a moment while I hurl.

Okay, I'm back, but I'm not happy about it. Lex hands Clark a wedding invitation -- for THAT NIGHT. He wants Clark to be his best man. Clark says he is surprised and honored, but clearly he has misgivings about Evil Slut Woman -- as do we all.

+++

Lex and Desiree are at Lex's mansion, and she's holding a prenuptial agreement that Lionel has had prepared (for once, me and the old man are seeing eye to eye). She's obviously a bit miffed at the idea of signing it. Lex says that if she doesn't sign it, it could cause his father to disinherit him. Desiree capitulates, saying that she'll sign it, but it's going to cost Lex a kiss. (Lex, it's too high a price -- you don't know where those lips have been.) As they kiss (they never listen to me, then wonder why they get into such predicaments all the time), a magenta-colored substance flows from Desiree's mouth into Lex's mouth and nasal cavities. Once again, she tries to wheedle out of signing the agreement, this time meeting with success. Lex readily agrees that she doesn't have to sign it, because she's the best thing that's ever happened to him, and he plans to be with her until death parts them. Then he rips up the contract. You know, I hate her for nothing else than in being able to manipulate Lex, who is someone I like to see as stronger than your typical mortal (otherwise, how is he a worthy arch-enemy for Superman?). Heinous, evil bitch woman.

+++

Jonathan Kent strolls cheerfully into his kitchen, greeting a less-than-enthusiastic Martha. She's apparently suffering from the heat, but Jonathan reminds her that their electric bill precludes the use of air conditioning.

Clark enters, subdued. He tells his parents about the fire at school and about his suspicions that he's the one who started it.

CLARK: I started to feel hot. And my eyes started to burn. All of a sudden the spot I was staring at burst into flames.

Clark is very upset by what has happened, and then grows uncomfortable as his parents pry further into what caused this extraordinary event to occur. He explains, embarrassed, that he was watching a sex ed film.

JONATHAN: This could get very complicated.

Hahahahaha, and then poor Martha delicately suggests that whatever's happened could have some sort of hormonal connection, and IN the meantime, Clark will just have to stay close to home. Clark seems about ready to accept this, when he remembers Lex's wedding (Noooooo!! I'd forgotten too) and hands Martha the invite.

+++

The cork from a champagne bottle bursts and we realize it's true: Lex has actually married the Evil Slutty Bitch Woman (I've decided that her former title was not derogatory enough). I can't believe this is happening. If this were the 17th century I'd need smelling salts.

Clark, looking very smart in his suit (I love his tie), spies Chloe from across the room and goes to talk to her. Again, their conversation is stilted because Chloe seems determined to act aloof and as if she doesn't have a care in the world. Clark is forthright; he says that she seemed a little distant in the morning and he wants to make sure that everything is okay between them. Chloe too-cheerfully replies that everything is "hunky dory."

CHLOE: We made a decision, and I'm perfectly fine with it. (Translation: I am so miserable, and you look way too hot in that suit. Life is so unfair.)
CLARK: Me too. (Translation: I'd probably be less okay with this if I didn't also have a crush on Lana and our biology teacher.)

Chloe, not surprisingly, looks as though he's just stabbed her through the heart, but puts on a brave face, saying she doesn't know how she feels about having to take sex ed with Mrs. Luthor (Noooooo!!). Then she talks about chemistry and pheromones, leaving Clark as mystified as a squirrel with a dildo. He glances over and sees Desiree getting her picture taken. Lex arrives.

LEX: Quit staring, Clark. You'll burn your eyes out.
CLARK: I was just --
LEX: It's all right. Desiree's attractive; I understand.

What I don't understand is why Lex and Clark are wearing the exact same suit -- tie and everything. Apparently it's come-clean night, because Clark is also forthright with Lex. Clark admits that he was a bit shell-shocked; Lex went away on a two-week business trip and the next thing Clark knows, Martha is putting the finishing touches on Lex's wedding cake.

LEX: Believe me, when I left I had no intention of falling in love. I was struggling through another business function when suddenly, Desiree was there.

That's much the same way I think about the grout in my shower.

CLARK: It just happened that fast?
LEX: You can waste your time playing it safe, or you can go for it. But at some point, Clark, you just know when something's right.

At this point, Lex stares directly at Lana, and we (and Clark) get his meaning. However, we can go even further than that underlying meaning, and think about how this will play out in terms of any future Lex/Lana that might occur! Lana, btw, looks far hotter than the Evil Slutty Bitch Woman. And she looks good, too. <g>

+++

Same night, Clark and Lana are still in their wedding clothes ... I mean, their wedding party clothes ... and they're at The Talon doing the video letter for Whitney. Clark doesn't hash it up this time, and Lana praises his effort. Clark, however, tells Whitney that he hasn't forgotten what they talked about, and Lana is suspicious of this.

LANA: So what did you and Whitney talk about anyway?
CLARK: Just that he wanted me to keep an eye on you. (If this were anyone but Clark, I would suspect that he meant to let this slip, in order to get Lana pissed off at Whitney.) Uh ... not that he doesn't trust you ... uh ...

Lana is not thrilled by this news, but to her credit doesn't take it out on Clark. She offers to make iced coffee. Clark wants to know what Lana said to Whitney in her letter (dude Clark, that's private), but Lana answers that she's started it five or six times but hasn't been able to finish it. She then caps it off by saying that she misses him. Does this ring hollow to anyone else's ears but mine? She continues that she's worried about him, but it's difficult to put one's life on hold; that it might not have been the wisest decision on either of their parts. I told you that in Tempest, but would you listen to me? Nooo.

Clark and Lana discuss how bizarre the recent developments with Lex are; Clark is relieved that he's not the only one who thinks the whole thing's weird. Lana thinks it's rather romantic, in a way.

LANA: Lex learned to act on his passion; never hold anything back. I wonder if we'll ever be able to do the same.

Nice bit of double -- even triple -- meaning there. <g>

They stare at each other intensely for a moment, and then Clark starts to close his eyes; they are clearly bothering him. Uh-oh. I sense another display of heated passion coming on. Heehee. He's looking anywhere but at Lana, and he's so concerned about this that he can't even enjoy it when she puts her hand against his forehead to feel his temperature. He's burning up, and Lana, sounding concerned, says that she'll drive him home.

Clark can't control it, and heat fires out of his eyes, even stronger than the first time, hitting the cappuccino machine, the draperies, everything in sight. Lana shrieks and ducks (if only she hadn't, she might have gotten her suspicions about Clark confirmed in this episode). Soon the place is engulfed in flames.

+++

Clark is sitting in the barn, alone in the dark like a dog. He shields his eyes as Jonathan walks in. Jonathan wants to know why Clark isn't in school; Clark is upset and says that he's not going. He explains what happened at The Talon, that the fire department said the fire looked suspicious (oh great, get your friends convicted of arson, Clark). Jonathan tries to comfort Clark, but the latter isn't having any of it. He's truly freaked out at the thought that he might have hurt Lana. (Awwww.)

Jonathan says he has a pretty good idea what's triggering this thing. The next thing we know, big wooden poles are being staked into the ground -- apparently whatever is triggering this thing is hiding underground and this is their way of flushing it out. Oh wait, I was wrong, it's a scarecrow. (I liked my theory better.) Apparently, Clark is to practice his heat skills on unsuspecting straw people (our union will hear about this!). Jonathan wants him to remember exactly what Clark was thinking of the first time it happened; Clark says he would do this better alone, so Jonathan scurries away.

Clark tries and tries, to no avail; then he thinks of Lana and immediately his eyes flare up and the scarecrow's on fire. Run Lana run!! Save yourself!!!

Commercial break: Suffering from itchy, dry eyes? For God's sake, turn yourself in before you hurt someone.

Clark tells Jonathan (while popping popcorn, a truly non-frivolous way to use his new power) that Jonathan was right; after he knew what triggered the heat, he was able to control it, and now he can do it without thinking of ... ahem. Now, really. What kind of sense does that make?? But anyway, we'll buy it.

CLARK: Next time I have a date, I'll be able to take her out without setting her on fire.
JONATHAN: Well, that's a relief.

Um, excuse me? Date? That time at The Talon doing Whitney's video was a date? Does Lana know?

+++

Now it's nighttime, and Clark is lighting candles in his fortress of solitude. And once again that name is made a mockery of as Desiree comes barging in wearing a very sexy red dress. Immediately, she begins to hit on Clark, who backs away. (It's really too bad that Clark learned to control his heat power, because Desiree could right now be a writhing mass of plastic and silicone. Damn that Clark and his inconvenient timing!) He's resistant to her advances, given that she's a big old ho and plus, you know, she's married to his best friend. She tries to pull the magenta mist trick on him, but of course this does not work on Our Hero. (Random observation: You know what's lame? Desiree is played by an attractive actress, who could probably get pretty far on her own natural looks and <ahem> talent. They really should have gotten a less attractive actress to play the role, in order to demonstrate the true power of the pheromones. But that's just me.)

When Clark is able to pull away even after she tries the pheromone trick, Desiree is a bit wigged.

DESIREE: I don't know what came over me.

Um, your natural whorish inclinations?

She begs Clark not to tell Lex of this little indiscretion, and it's with sinking hearts that we realize she's going to have to salvage the situation and pit Lex against Clark. SIGH.

+++

The next day at school, Clark and Chloe are doing some research on Desiree. Apparently she also goes by the name "Alison Sanders." Clark wants to know what Chloe would say if he told her that Desiree tried to seduce him the night before; Chloe is skeptical. Clark shares his theory that Desiree has a weird hold on Lex, and it's more than the fact that she's hot. Chloe is far more skeptical than Chloe normally is, for the moment not even entertaining the possibility of something unnatural.

+++

Clark visits Lex, who is playing pool, at the mansion. At first things seem cool; Lex tells Clark to save the awkward silences, that Desiree told him "everything." Oh, great.

LEX: All my life, I've had to second guess the intentions of others. I'd reached the point where I started to think friends were a luxury I couldn't afford. Till I met you, Clark. From the day you pulled me out of that river, you've been the one person I could trust completely.
CLARK: I'm glad you feel that way, Lex.
LEX: Maybe that's why I find your infatuation with my wife so troubling.

Aiieeeeee. And it only goes downhill from there. Clark tries to explain that Desiree came on to him, but Lex isn't buying it. What follows is an extremely uncomfortable confrontation, with Lex being completely rigid and closed-minded about Evil Slutty Bitch Woman. I know he's under a trance and all that, but this is perhaps the first time that I've wanted Clark to slug him. Anyway, Clark shows Lex what he found online about Desiree's real name, and it plants a seed of doubt in Lex's mind, although this is not immediately apparent.

LEX: To be honest, I was hoping for an apology, not more insinuations. I thought our friendship meant more to you, Clark.
CLARK: It does.
LEX: You can let yourself out.

Clark is heartbroken. I mean, upset. Desiree walks in as Clark is walking out, and Clark tells her that he may not know what she's doing to Lex, but he's not dropping it. She is bitchily unresponsive, then sugars up to Lex, saying she knows confronting Clark must have been difficult. He asks her to explain why she didn't tell him about her other name; she admits that she did change her name, but then reminds him that she changed it again the day before to "Luthor." She is acting so sweet that I'm about to puke on her. Lex starts to be more forceful about getting to the bottom of things, when Desiree again hits him with her Breath of Death (she should really see an oral hygienist about that, or at least invest in some Altoids). The matter is dropped. Argh.

+++

At The Talon, Chloe is making her contribution to Whitney's video letter. Question: Why would Whitney care about what any of these people had to say, anyway? Last I checked, they were all completely indifferent to one another, if not openly hostile. Ridiculous. Anyway, so Chloe and Lana start chit-chatting, Lana saying that it must have been fun to spend the whole summer in Metropolis.

CHLOE: Sometimes a little distance can just give you a new perspective on things you've done, you know? Mistakes you've made.
LANA: Going to the spring formal with Clark was not a mistake.
CHLOE: Yeah, it was. I let myself indulge in my feelings for him, and I ended up getting hurt.

Oh whatever, Chloe. Clearly you've got to develop thicker skin if you're going to make it in the journalism business. What'd he do, leave the dance? Big freakin' deal. Do you know how many times he stood Lana up? And then it was YOUR idea to "just be friends." This is all so annoying.

CHLOE: Ugh, three months. I thought I'd be over it by now.

So did we; guess we're all SOL. Chloe admits to Lana that she made up a story about meeting a guy in Metropolis just to get a rise out of Clark. You are a very, very sad person, Chloe.

LANA: Clark still really cares about you, Chloe.
CHLOE: I know. But he cares about you more.
LANA: I don't want Clark to come between our friendship.
CHLOE: Me neither. So what are we going to do about that?
LANA: Let's define ourselves by what we do, not who we date. Or don't date.
CHLOE: Cool.

Unfortunately, that's exactly how this show defines you both -- Lana in particular. Especially if Lex/Lana comes to pass, who she dates or doesn't date will be a very significant consideration. In the meanwhile, I think it's pretty manipulative to cultivate this friendship between Lana and Chloe, when clearly the purpose is to make it all the more painful when Clark finally chooses one of them.

Also, this is one of -- if not the -- most explicit moments we've ever had wrt to Chloe and Lana being open about Clark's feelings for one or both of them; previously, Lana behaved like someone with her head stuck in the sand. Of course, when the cat's away...

Fortunately for us, we are spared more of this bonding by Lex striding in, looking very purposeful (the "hot" need not be said, right?). Chloe beats a hasty retreat, while Lana is business-like.

Let's take a moment to appreciate the fact that there IS a Lex/Lana scene, even though it turns out that it's probably the most painful one in history. Done? Let's proceed.

Lex immediately hands Lana a piece of paper; he's decided to invoke the buy-out clause of their partnership agreement. This has the putrid markings of Evil Slutty Bitch Woman all over it. Lex looks sweaty and very unlike himself.

LANA: This gives me twenty-four hours to vacate the premises.
LEX: That's right. I've decided to reassess my business relationships. The Talon's no longer a good fit.

Lana is rightfully pissed off, saying that The Talon has always pulled its own weight. Lex is unrelenting and hostile.

LEX: Breaking even isn't my idea of a good business model. And frankly, I have to question the judgment of a partner who causes thousands of dollars in damage while entertaining friends after hours.
LANA: I was here with Clark.
LEX: My faith in Clark evaporated along with my enthusiasm for the coffeeshop business.

Hmm, several interesting points of discussion here, even if Lex was acting like an asshole under the spell of Evil Slutty Bitch Woman. First is that The Talon apparently breaks even, which means that at the moment it's not turning any profits. As a business, Lex is right; this is not a sound business model. True that they're all banking on it becoming a profitable business in the future, but Lana's stake in all this has always been to preserve it in honor of her parents' memories. What is Lex's motive? Does he really think it will be a big profit-maker? Highly doubtful; The Talon, as I have long suspected, is a "favor" done for Lana and for Clark. And the other point here is one that Lex makes himself to support this: the moment his faith in Clark was lost, so did his interest in The Talon. Of course, both of these things are also hinged upon the wishes of his whorey new wife, so perhaps the implications aren't all that revealing. Still, interesting to consider, particularly in light of the way Lex later makes amends. We'll deal with that when we get to it.

+++

For now, let's join Lana and Clark at school. Lana is utterly irate and also self-castigating; she berates herself for going into business with Lex when people warned her about doing business with him. (Poor Lex; once again his intentions are in the right place, but external factors work against him.)

CLARK: Lana, you brought The Talon back from nothing. It means everything to you! (Uh yeah, and your point is...? You've got to work on this 'sympathy' thing, Clark.)
LANA: And this proves it was never really mine. (Great delivery by KK.)

As Lana storms off to class, she passes by Desiree, who is hanging a flyer on a nearby bulletin board. Now she's overstepped the line, as far as Clark is concerned; hurting Lana is not to be borne. Heehee. Clark and Desiree have a confrontation; Desiree is gleeful about Lana being upset.

DESIREE: I wanted to prove a point.
CLARK: To who? Lana?
DESIREE: No, Clark -- to you. I want you to understand something. I can control the people in your life. I had Lex close down The Talon in a heartbeat; imagine what would happen if I turned him against this town ... your friends ... or even your parents.
CLARK: I won't let you do that.
DESIREE: You want this to stop? Then stay out of our lives.
CLARK: I'm not going to back off. I'll find a way to get through to Lex.

"I'll use any means necessary. My sexual powers of persuasion far surpass yours." Bwahahahahaha. Anyway -- first of all, Clark wasn't in your lives until you tried to seduce him, you unforgivable tramp. Second of all -- Clark should really not be making threats unless he can do so with a more convincing delivery.

+++

Nighttime. Gas is dripping off an ugly red car (that was what she was DRIVING??) with the license plate "DESIRE." Desiree lights a match and blows the whole thing to smithereens.

+++

Clark is having a heart-to-heart with his parents. Great acting by Annette O'Toole in this scene, who plays the outraged mother very well. Her primary concern is that her son has been molested by an adult; a teacher at his school, no less. A knock on the door signals the arrival of Sheriff Ethan, who has come to arrest Clark for setting Mrs. Luthor's (<gag>) car on fire. Three suspicious fires in as many days, so they're bringing him in. Clark is panicked while Martha is soothing; it's truly heartbreaking to watch her witness her son get put in handcuffs.

Commercial: Have an old clunker you're dying to get rid of? Don't sell it to some used car dealer who won't give you top dollar! Got some lighter fluid? Some matches? Start a blazing inferno the whole neighborhood can enjoy!

Lex is at The Talon, on the phone with someone about how he is selling The Talon and everything in it. Martha walks in. She is hostile toward Lex while he remains civil; it's clear that despite Desiree's manipulation he still feels respect for pretty much the same people he's always had respect for. He even makes the first move toward reconciliation.

LEX: Mrs. Kent -- I am truly sorry about Clark.
MARTHA: Are you, Lex. My son is in jail, and your wife put him there.
LEX: Maybe these fires were a cry for help.
MARTHA: Is that you talking or is Mrs. Luthor talking through you?
LEX: Mrs. Kent, I would never ask you to take sides against your husband; please don't ask me to doubt my wife.
MARTHA: Any good relationship relies on trust, but there has to be room to disagree. Like the way Jonathan and I disagreed about you? He couldn't see past the Luthor name, but I always thought you were truly trying to be a friend to Clark. Now I'm beginning to think Jonathan was right all along.
LEX: Believe me, Mrs. Kent, I never wanted it to come to this.
MARTHA: You know Clark. He's not a criminal. He's the one person who stood by you no matter what. Ask yourself, ‘Is he really capable of this?'
LEX: I wouldn't have thought so, but I know Desiree.
MARTHA: Lex! You met and married her in a week! How well could you know her?!

Martha is fed up at this point and leaves, and Lex lets her go, looking visibly disturbed. Despite Martha putting down Desiree, Lex nearly calls out to her again to make amends. This entire scene is very well done by both players.

+++

Desiree is swimming topless in what we assume is the Luthor mansion pool. Jonathan is waiting for her, though he looks uncomfortable and demands that she put some clothes on. I agree with him that she's entirely too trampy, but it's HER house, and he's basically trespassing. What right does he have to demand anything of her? In any case, Desiree starts to feed him bullshit about Clark being "a seriously troubled young man."

JONATHAN: You know, I thought I could come out here and reason with you, but clearly I was mistaken.

Like you are so much of the time, particularly wrt Lex? And hello -- she's a PSYCHOPATH. What did you think you could reason with her about? Did I miss the episode where you get a degree in psychoanalysis? Jonathan starts to leave, but Desiree stops him with a stilted apology (she's not even trying to be convincing anymore). She attacks him with the Magenta Breath of Death, then tells him he needs to do something for her. He nods, and then they kiss. How proud Lex must be of his diplomatic wife, succeeding with Jonathan where he failed. Not that he's ever tried to kiss Jonathan. I don't think.

+++

Lana and Chloe visit Clark in jail. There is an amusing moment when I think of them as Clark's bitches, then I start paying attention to what's going on again. Chloe (Lana gaggingly calls her "Clo"!!) has found out more about Desiree, who was with her boyfriend in Smallville when the meteors hit. A couple of weeks later, the boyfriend lost it and murdered her parents, and Desiree inherited everything. God she was a cold, money-grubbing bitch even then! Anyway, five years later, Desiree was a teacher and married a wealthy shipping executive. He was murdered by a love-struck student of hers with the exact same confession and denial six hours later. She lost all the money, which was invested in dot-coms, and that's when she decided to go after Lex. Clark deduces that she was going to get him to kill Lex when she was trying to seduce him. Chloe postulates the theory that since Desiree had been in the throes of ecstasy when the meteors hit, her pheromone levels could have been bizarrely enhanced.

CHLOE: Lucky for us, Clark Kent seems to be immune to some members of the opposite sex.

Clark and Lana look at one another self-consciously. Heehee.

Sheriff Ethan comes to kick the girls out, and when they leave Clark gets a bright idea -- using his heat powers, he causes the fuse box (or whatever it is) to explode, engulfing it in flames. Ethan comes to get Clark out of the cell, and when Ethan's momentarily distracted, Clark makes his escape.

+++

At the mansion, Lex picks up a copy of his last will and testament, which Desiree has lovingly laid out for him.

LEX: I know love is supposed to be blind, but since meeting you I feel like I've lost all sense of reason regarding my friends, my business, and suddenly I don't know why.
DESIREE: Well, it's too late for second thoughts, Lex. The papers have been finalized. Everything you have is mine.
LEX: You only inherit at the event of my death.

Doi -- can't you see the writing on the wall yet? Desiree doesn't say anything, and Lex sounds almost amused when he asks if she's planning to kill him. No, she replies, then opens the door to reveal who is -- Jonathan Kent (as if we didn't all already guess).

Commercial: Have a neighbor who's bothering you? A co-worker who just won't get the hint? Here at Killers for Hire, we understand! Call Jonathan Kent for quote.

The three players as we last left them are at a standoff. Lex is trying to reason with Jonathan, saying he knows him and he's not a murderer (you also know how much he hates you, right?). Lex reaches for the phone, but Jonathan proves that he's a good shot by making scrap out of it. There is another one of those awesome slo-mo moments when Jonathan fires at Lex just as Clark bursts into the room. Using his heat power, he disintegrates the bullet as Lex dives for cover. This doesn't deter Jonathan, who immediately goes after Lex again. Clark stops his father, knocking Jonathan into the wall. Jonathan slumps down, unconscious.

Lex goes after Desiree, but she smashes a decanter of alcohol on Lex's back, then lights him on fire (sadistic bitch). Sensing that she's losing control of the situation (dumbass), Desiree finally turns to run. Clark heats up the handle of the door, which halts Desiree's escape as she cries out in pain, then he puts out the fire on Lex's back.

+++

Back in the Kent kitchen, Martha is baking some ridiculously plump-looking muffins. They look like they just came out of a professional bakery. Jonathan arrives, saying that he's spoken with Ethan and the arson charges (as well as Clark's escape from jail) are being dropped. He also says that it appears they've seen the last of Desiree Atkins. Um -- what? How? Why? I didn't get any sense that her powers had been taken away; even if she's been arrested, she can easily charm the officers into letting her go. This, imho, is an extremely loose thread.

+++

In the fortress of unsolitude, Clark is reading a book in a hammock (oh how I'd like to be him, the lucky bastard) when Lex announces his presence. Lex tells Clark that he's filed for an annulment, which should be final in a couple of days.

LEX: I let my passion get the best of me. I won't make that mistake again. (Oh but you will. <eg>)
CLARK: Lex, I don't think having passion is such a bad thing.
LEX: You're right, Clark. Passion for life and work and friends, great. As long as you keep it in check. I should take a page out of your book.
CLARK: How do you mean?
LEX: The way you deal with Lana. I've always told you to go for it, but you don't, even now that the quarterback's out of the picture.
CLARK: Well, I want to, believe me, but Lana needs to work out her feelings for Whitney first. I can wait.
LEX: Don't wait too long.

Okay, we know what Lex means and it's nothing threatening, but at the same time, it sounds suspiciously like a warning!

Lana's trying to do her video letter to Whitney at The Talon when Clark shows up. She reaches over to stop the recording, and we can see exactly what the camera is seeing. I would have done this scene differently than they did; in canon, when Lana stops the recording, it actually stops. I would have had her think the recording had stopped, but instead, it would record a tender moment between her and Clark -- nothing overly romantic, but that an observer would clearly see the attraction between them. Then she'd hurry up and do her actual recording, and before she can chicken out, places it into an envelope and mails it out. But this is what went down:

Apparently, repairs to The Talon are going well -- it's almost ready for its grand re-opening, even though Lana can't figure out the new espresso machine.

CLARK: It looks very ... Italian.
LANA: A gift from Lex. Along with roses and an offer to rework our partnership agreement so that this could never happen again.

Um, what? <agog> Lex is sorry enough to back himself into a corner wrt The Talon? He's going to give himself less control/fewer options so that he can never screw over Lana? He doesn't trust himself enough to the point where he'd purposely limit himself? Doesn't sound like a very sound business proposition to me; he's bending over backwards to make it up to her -- and probably, to Clark. The subject of Desiree is brought up, unsurprisingly.

LANA: It's funny how she managed to seduce everyone but you.
CLARK: Yeah, I guess she just wasn't my type.
LANA: And the jailhouse? How did you manage your escape?
CLARK: Well, there was a fire, and the sheriff opened the door. I guess I just made a run for it.
LANA: Three fires. You were there all three times.
CLARK: Weird coincidence, huh?
LANA: Or just part of the mystery that is Clark Kent.

Have I mentioned that I love the new Suspicious!Lana they've got going? Well, I love her. She's so much more interesting this way, and she appears a lot more intelligent as well. She actually sounds a lot like Scully in this line of questioning. <g>

Changing the subject, Clark asks how the tape for Whitney is going.

LANA: I decided to tell him how I really feel.
CLARK: What happened to putting on a brave face? (It's cute how hopeful he looks here.)
LANA: It wasn't fair to either of us. I haven't been honest about my feelings. I know it's going to hurt, and my timing is crummy, but having a relationship that's built on secrets and lies is doomed to fail. Don't you think so, Clark?
CLARK: (uncomfortable) Absolutely.

Clark's countenance quickly changes from happiness when she's basically telling him that she's breaking up with Whitney to sorrow and discomfort when she makes the remark about relationships built on secrets and lies. If Lana truly believes that -- and there's no reason to doubt it -- then she will be even more hurt/disillusioned if/when she and Clark are in a relationship and his secret finally comes out. All paving the way for ... you guessed it, Lex/Lana. <g>

Lana and Clark share another one of those meaningful looks, then Clark makes his departure. Lana begins her heartbreak video.

The End