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Crazy guy with a really bright flower drives erratically down the highway. He's screaming into his cell phone about wanting to talk to Lionel Luthor, ordering whoever the poor bastard is he's talking to, to get Lionel on the line on the double.

Further on down the road, Papa Kent is tuning the radio, and the theme song to the Dukes of Hazzard comes on. (Heh.) Crazy guy is honking his horn, trying to get Papa Kent out of his way. For some reason (his stupidity, perhaps? His stubborn pride?) Papa Kent refuses to get out of the way, and the guy crashes his car off the side of the road.

Papa Kent pulls over and goes to the guy, pulls him out of the wreck, and fireman carries him away. Just as they reach a safe distance, the truck blows up. The pretty flower that was next to the guy has somehow made its way out of the vehicle, as well, and when Jonathan looks at it, it rears back and spits in his face like a cobra.

Jonathan doesn't seem to mind, as he hoists the guy up again, and gets him out of there.

Somebody saaaaaaaaaaaave me . . .

Lex is in the mansion, pouring orange juice, when Dr. Hamilton arrives. Lex isn't thrilled that Hamilton has dropped by unannounced.

HAMILTON: A situation's come up in my lab.
LEX: Don't you mean your barn?

Hamilton is under the impression that a LuthorCorp employee stole a flower from his lab. It's called the Nicodemus, extinct for a hundred years, and Hamilton seems pretty edgy about it. Lex is only interested in the Meteor rock's effects on humans. It seems Hamilton injected the dormant seeds of the Nicodemus with Meteor fragments. Lex is wholly uninterested. Hamilton walks out in a huff, and at the last minute, Lex asks the name of the LuthorCorp employee.

HAMILTON: I just found out that he was in a car accident. He almost didn't make it, but another driver pulled him out.
LEX: Don't tell me it was Clark Kent.
HAMILTON: Actually, it was his father, Jonathan.

Oh, those crazy Kents.

Clark arrives home and walks in on his parents getting' jiggy with it on the dining room table. It seems to scar Clark just as it has scarred me. Jonathan seems uncharacteristically blasé and there is the aforementioned friskiness. As Jonathan carelessly splashes beer onto the floor, Lex knocks on the door.

He is greeted warmly by Martha and Clark, but Papa Kent is more hostile toward the young Mr. Luthor than usual. (And that's really saying something. It does serve to illustrate how much he's clearly holding back normally.)

Lex inquires after Jonathan's health, but Jonathan suspects Lex is only there because he doesn't want Jonathan to sue him.

JONATHAN: I don't like Lex Luthor. I don't like Lionel Luthor and I don't like your friendship with my son. In fact, if all of you Luthors were to dry up and die, I wouldn't shed a tear.

Clark intervenes at that point, and Jonathan belches loudly in Lex's face. Then, he turns away, gives Martha a final loving grope, and heads upstairs. Clark and Lex looked after him, a bit stunned.

Oh, Papa Kent, are you ever gonna be sorry for that when Lex is a criminal mastermind.

Pete and Clark walk down the hallways at school, and Clark has apparently been telling the story of Jonathan's misadventures. Then, Pete crows about how much he enjoyed the part where Jonathan dissed Lex.

PETE: Hmm, let's see. He screwed my family out of the creamed corn family.
CLARK: Well, Pete, that was twelve years ago, and it wasn't him, it was his father.
PETE: Still, I've never been crazy about the guy.

Well, with a winning argument like that, Pete has swayed me and I now hate that bastard Lex Luthor.

Chloe hops up to them at that moment and asks the tough question:

CHLOE: What's your deepest desire? If nothing was holding you back, what would you do?

Apparently, Principal Kwan wants her to get more in touch with the student body, so she's conducting a poll. All the responses she's gathered so far involve sex and violence. Pete counters that it's just human nature. Then, he leaves to go mack on a girl.

CLARK: Did you know that Pete doesn't like Lex?
CHLOE: Yeah, he's like totally jealous of your friendship with him. He feels like you guys aren't as close as you used to be.

Now, that entire sentiment would have more resonance if Chloe hadn't been quite so perky when she said it. Before Clark can respond to that bomb, Lana shows up and confesses her deepest desire -- she wants to climb the windmill out in Chandler's field. She's heard you can see the Metropolis skyline from there, but she's lacked the courage to see for herself.

Chloe's reaction reflects how lame she thinks that is, which really, is in direct contradiction to her earlier gripe about how every answer was sex or violence related. Oh that Chloe is a fickle mistress. Lana exits.

Let's review the rest of the conversation between Chloe and Clark:

Clark watches Lana go. Really watches.

Chloe points out that it's a PG-13 poll.

Clark explains the no-fly zone around Lana because of Whitney's dad being in the hospital.

Chloe notes that some girls aren't as much work as Lana.

Clark totally misses her meaning, and explains that he can't just turn off his feelings.

Then, Chloe gets all huffy and leaves Clark staring off into the distance.

Back at the Kent house, Jonathan's trying to get Martha to have some fun with him in the hay lofts. Thank God she says no. She encourages him to call Lex and apologize, but he's uninterested in doing anything but exactly what he wants. And he seems to really want to do Martha. She makes excuses, however, and leaves, telling him to go lie down, because he feels feverish. (And, you know, is acting really, really bizarre.)

The answering machine clicks on, and it's a man down at the bank -- they're turning down Jonathan's loan. He strides over to the phone, picks it up, and begins a delightful rant:

JONATHAN: Hello, Jim? Yeah, listen to me. I have done nothing but give back to this community, and all anyone has ever done for me is screw me over. So what I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna come down there to that bank, and you are gonna have to turn my loan down right to my face. That way, I can see whether you still have a pair, or whether your wife keeps them in a drawer, too.

Whoooo, you go, Angry!Jonathan. Then, he smashes the cordless phone to bits against the wall.

Cut to, Jonathan driving dangerously through town, the driver's side door hanging wide open as he hurls obscenities at the passers by. Clark witnesses this erratic behavior, and chases his dad down, who we see is carrying a shotgun. We do a cool Smallville Special Effect slow-mo shot as Clark tries to grab the gun from Jonathan, and Jonathan unloads a shell point blank into Clark's chest. (Gee, Jonathan, at least Lex Luthor's never tried to SHOOT CLARK. Yet.)

Jonathan looks horrified, even though Clark is fine, and passes out.

At the hospital, a doctor is telling Clark and Martha that Jonathan's symptoms indicate a severe anaphylactic shock, but they can't detect any known antigens. The doctors would be totally baffled if they hadn't admitted a car crash victim earlier with the same problems -- yes, you guessed it, James Beales, the LuthorCorp employee Jonathan saved.

The outlook doesn't look good, though: James Beales just slipped into a coma.

Out in the spooky darkness, Chloe and Lana climb out of the car, armed with flashlights and cameras. (Just like Mulder and Scully.) They're searching for something -- anything -- that might help Jonathan. Lana spots the Nicodemus flower and leans in real close for a good look. It spits at her like a cobra just as Chloe walks up. Lana doesn't mention it, and the girls decide this place is a dead end, and leave. Lana is sneezing as they pull away.

Hamilton's lab -- Lex thinks Hamilton has been naughty because the good doctor hasn't been entirely honest with Lex about the Nicodemus. But Lex has done his own research.

LEX: Apparently, in 1871, a strange contagion struck the Morelly Settlement, and 200 people died almost over night. A priest, who witnessed the scene, left a diary. His last entries described how the settlers began acting out of character. He claimed a local flower was to blame. (Picks up the book and reads from it) "On God's green earth, this flower was the thief in the temple, the silent temptress that, with a single sneeze, brought out the basest instincts in men and drove them to violence."

They bicker a bit more.

LEX: I'm not here to bankroll your pet projects. I'm only interested in the meteors.
HAMILTON: You wanted to know what they could do.
LEX: Putting people in the hospital wasn't part of the plan.
HAMILTON: Every discovery has their consequences.
LEX: If Jonathan Kent dies, you're gonna lose something a lot more valuable than your tenure. Pack up one of these flowers. I've got a team of specialists in Metropolis waiting to work on it.
HAMILTON: It's my research.
LEX: I don't give a damn about your research. I just want to find a cure. (Lex leaves)

I am so turned on right now.

Cut to Lana, striding through the halls of school, and boy, does she look different. Hot, but different. Bitch Lana is actually fun, and I find myself oddly drawn toward her.

Witness the bitchy glory of this exchange:

LANA: You know what? I am tired of your excuses. Ever since your dad got sick, you haven't been any fun at all.

Lana walks away and he follows.

WHITNEY: I'm sorry, Lana, but it's kind of a big deal.
LANA: Whatever. I feel like I'm locked in this relationship out of guilt.
WHITNEY: Lana, what's wrong with you?
LANA: Nothing. I'm just not keeping it inside anymore.
WHITNEY: Well, if that's the way you feel, maybe we need to reconsider this relationship.
LANA: Okay, fine. It's over, Whitney. (She smiles and walks away)

Apparently, Clark is not on Inner Bitch Lana's shit list, because she is every bit the sweet, understanding friend when she visits him at the Torch. LANA: What's the matter?
CLARK: Nothing. Um, it's just a change.
LANA: (Twirls for him) Do you like it?
CLARK: Um, I think the operative word is "gulp."

Then, she tempts him to the pool for a midday swim, and turns into every bit the sex kitten. A vixen in red lace underwear (who knew Lana even owned underwear like that?) and Clark is trying very hard to be a good boy, but you can also tell he's seconds away from blowing his wad.

Lana dives into the pool, and she's even wearing big gold whore earrings, to set the whole outfit off. She climbs out and approaches Clark.

CLARK: Lana... this is crazy.
LANA: That's the point. If life doesn't make you crazy, then, uh, why bother living it? I know that's how I want it. (She takes her top off revealing a red bra) The question is, do you want what I want?

They then proceed to have a big 'ole make out session. Clark breaks it off, and then hears footsteps. Lana laughs and pushes Clark into the pool. When he surfaces, the vixen is gone, and Principal Kwan is looking down on him in disapproval.

Back at the Torch, Clark apparently unloads everything to Chloe, and after she reviews a tape, she realizes that Dr. Hamilton was out in the woods the same night she and Lana were.

At The Talon, Lana strides in, a bitchy, unconcerned swing to her step. Lex is on the phone, trying to get further information on the people in comas. He overhears Lana giving everyone in The Talon free drinks, and closing early, and approaches her, mentioning that that isn't exactly the way to make money.

LEX: You're not impressing anyone with the attitude, Lana. You're talking to someone who set the bar for adolescent rebellion.
LANA: That's right. I hear you were quite the bad boy before you joined us here in Smallville.
LEX: It's nothing I'm proud of.
LANA: Please. You don't really care about the Talon. You only invested because I asked you to. (Runs her hand up his chest) Now why would you go and do a thing like that? Hmm? (She fondles his mouth, dabbing whipped cream onto his lips) The Luthors are famous for their ulterior motives. So tell me, Lex. Was it really about profit?
LEX: (Moving her hand from his stomach) I'm not sure what this is, but it isn't you, Lana. Are you feeling okay?
LANA: Actually, I'm a little nervous. I might need some guidance. (As she's speaking, she's moved behind him, whispering into his hear, fondling the back of his neck.) You know, from someone with a little more experience. What do you say, boss?
LEX: (Turning to face her, grabbing her hands) Lana, where have you been in the last 24 hours?
LANA: (Angry) It's none of your business. What's your problem?
LEX: This isn't you.
LANA: Why? Because I'm not doing exactly as I'm told? 'Cause I'm not sitting in a corner, hiding in a book? For once I'm not scared of life, and no one can handle it because you all prefer the insecure little girl. Well, I'm sick of her and all her talk about her dead parents.

Then, she throws a mug at his head (which Lex skillfully ducks), steals the keys to his Porsche, and storms out of The Talon. On the street outside, Clark sees her tear off, and follows her at super speed.

Chloe pays Dr. Hamilton a visit and questions him about his presence out in the woods last night, and why, if he saw she and Lana, he didn't announce his presence. He says he doesn't like people. Chloe notices a book on his desk, the one Lex brought about the Nicodemus, and pretends she was wrong about the whole thing and leaves. Oh, that Chloe's going to make quite a reporter one day.

Meanwhile, Lana has driven straight for the windmill in Chandler's field (her deepest desire, remember? Well, after Lex) and is making moves to climb it. Clark arrives and tries to stop her.

CLARK: Lana. What's going on? Does Lex know you have his car?
LANA: He should by now.
CLARK: Look, something happened to you. I just don't know what it is.
LANA: It's called self-confidence. For the first time, I'm not repressing my feelings. I'm free.
CLARK: No, you're not.
LANA: You should talk. You had me in the pool and you didn't take your chance. I see the way you look at me. Why don't you just tell me how you feel?
CLARK: Lana, you're sick. I need to get you to a hospital.
LANA: Don't avoid the question, Clark. Are you in love with me?
CLARK: Lana...
LANA: You're such a coward. You can't even answer a simple question. (She starts climbing the ladder on the windmill) You want me, come and get me.

And all that would go over a lot cooler if she didn't fall straight off the windmill a second later. Clark catches her, though, and rushes her to the hospital.

As Lana's rushed in, Martha hurries over to Clark and asks what happened. Clark says it's the same thing that happened to Jonathan. Lex is lurking in the background, and makes his presence known, promising Martha that he's got doctors flying in from Metropolis, that he's going to do anything he can for Jonathan. Martha nods noncommittally and goes in to see her husband. Lex stands next to Clark, who's staring in at his parents.

LEX: Clark, I'm sorry.
CLARK: It's not your fault, Lex.

But from the look on his face, it's clear that Lex realizes this isn't entirely true.

At the school cafeteria, the Scooby Ga--er, I mean, Chloe, Clark, and Pete, have discovered what might be up with James, Jonathan, and Lana:

CHLOE: It's a first-hand account of Smallville's first mystery. In 1871, the whole settlement went postal before they even had a post office.
PETE: Nice to know Smallville was still whacked before the meteors got here.

They go on to summarize what anyone watching already understands. Then: CLARK: So you think Hamilton pulled a Jurassic Park and brought back the Nicodemus.
PETE: Now he's trying to cover it up.
CLARK: Let's go talk to him.
CHLOE: Wait, there's more. Dr. Hamilton didn't check out the Nicodemus Diary. Lex did.
CLARK: You think he's involved?
PETE: I told you all along he was bad news.
CLARK: Pete, we don't know anything yet.

Yeah, Pete, YOU DON'T KNOW!

Out on the street, Clark confronts Lex, wrinkling Lex's pretty black coat by grabbing it with his freakish super human strength. Clark wants to know why Lex checked the book out of the library.

LEX: Because my property was built on the site of the original settlement. I always thought it was an interesting story. When I heard about your dad's symptoms I remembered it, tracked it down to see if it could be any help.
CLARK: Why didn't you tell me about it?
LEX: Clark, it's a crackpot story. I was grasping at straws.
CLARK: Do you know Dr. Steven Hamilton?
LEX: Who's that?
CLARK: (Grabbing Lex's sleeve) Don't lie to me!
LEX: Clark, calm down. I know you're worried about your father and Lana, but I checked the book out of the library. That's it. I'm not responsible for what happened and I'm doing everything in my power to fix it. That's the truth, Clark.

Oh it's so not the truth, Lex.

Back at Hamilton's lab, Pete and Chloe have broken in and are snooping around. But Pete gets a little too close to a flower, and it all goes bad from there, as you can imagine. It seems Pete is sportin' a big 'ole Chloe love, and when she rebuffs him . . . well . . .

PETE: That's right. Ignore Pete. Pete's just the funny guy. You don't have to sweat his feelings 'cause you only got eyes for Clark.
CHLOE: Calm down, Pete. I'm gonna call Clark.

She goes to the phone and he throws it off the desk.

PETE: He's probably hanging out with his new best friend Lex Luthor. (He finds a gun on the desk) Give me your keys.
CHLOE: Why? Where are you going?
PETE: (Points the gun at Chloe) I'm serious, Chloe. Give me the damn keys!

As any sane person would do, Chloe hands over the keys.

Back at Jonathan's hospital room, Clark tries to comfort a clearly distraught Martha. They have a touching exchange that Annette O'Toole absolutely kills with:

MARTHA: I don't know. Did I ever tell you about the first time I ever saw him?
CLARK: No.
MARTHA: He came to Metropolis U. to take a finance course and he was sitting by a fountain all denim and flannel eating an apple. And I asked to borrow his notes. He didn't know that I was the note-taker for the class. He still doesn't.
CLARK: You were sly, Mom.
MARTHA: He was so cute. So I asked him for his notes and he just handed over his notebook without even asking my name and I said, "How can you be so sure I'll bring it back?" And he said, "I prefer to believe in people. Unless their last name is Luthor." (OK, he didn't really say that last sentence, but he should have. Look how naturally it fits into the rest of the scene.)
CLARK: That sounds like Dad.
MARTHA: And I remember looking at him, completely embarrassed because I was thinking the dumbest thing. I was thinking God, I hope he marries me. I still think that. Every day there's part of me that says, God, I hope he marries me.

It's not easy to get me to do so when things don't involve Lex, but . . . SOB.

Meanwhile, at Lex's mansion, Hamilton has isolated something in the Nicodemus that will allow Lana and Jonathan to get better. But then, Pete walks in waving a gun around and his bitterness and jealousy toward Lex is really quite stunning. It may even exceed Jonathan's dislike of Lex.

PETE: (Fires the gun, hitting a vase) I knew you were behind this. You pretended to be Clark's friend, but you're not! And now his dad's gonna die because of you.
HAMILTON: What's this about?
PETE: Do not pretend you don't know! I went to your barn!
LEX: He's infected. Pete, we have the cure. We're going to make everyone better.
PETE: You're nothing but a liar. Clark can't see it, but I can and now you're gonna pay.

The book with the cure is burning in the fireplace and Lex makes a grab for it, just as Hamilton sneaks up behind Pete and tries to hit him with a fire poker. Lex gets the book, tosses it at Hamilton, and yells at him to get out. Now, it's just Pete and Lex.

Until Clark shows up.

PETE: We used to be best friends. His dad screwed over my dad, and now he's trying to screw up things between us. The world's a better place without him.
CLARK: Pete, put the gun down.
PETE: He's behind all this. I saw Hamilton here. They're working on this together.
CLARK: Is that true?
LEX: Clark, he's delusional.

Lex is the best liar, because he very rarely actually lies -- he deflects the truth. Clark starts playing along with Pete; agrees that Lex is bad news. He tells Lex their friendship is over, and throws him against a wall, knocking him out. As he turns to Pete, we realize he only did this so that Lex wouldn't witness him moving really fast, getting the gun away from Pete. He hits Pete in the forehead, knocking him unconscious. Lex wakes up.

LEX: Clark, what the hell?

Those would be my first words, as well. Clark apologizes.

LEX: So that was an act.
CLARK: I didn't know what else to do. He was gonna shoot you.
LEX: You had me for a moment. I thought you were serious. (Clark helps him up) What do they feed you on that farm?
CLARK: Was Hamilton really here?
LEX: What do you think, Clark?

In Jonathan's hospital room, Clark and Martha are thrilled when Jonathan wakes up. He doesn't remember anything that's happened (it's best he never know he shot Clark, methinks) and apparently Pete and Lana are already up and walking around. (They heal fast in Smallville; must be those freaky Meteor rocks.) Lex is watching the happy family from the door.

Lex and Hamilton are in Lex's office, where Lex explains that he's had Hamilton's lab cleaned out. Hamilton senses their relationship is over. Lex disagrees; Hamilton just needs to be more closely supervised.

LEX: I recently acquired a small research facility outside Metropolis. Catmus Labs. I'm going to hide you out there.
HAMILTON: Remember, Lex. You're the one opening Pandora's box.
LEX: I'm just the key, Dr. Hamilton.

They shake hands.

Up atop the windmill in Chandler's field, Lana and Clark are looking out at Metropolis. It seems Clark arranged the whole thing, making Lana's deepest desire come true. (I still say her deepest desire is really Lex Luthor, a can of whipped cream, and a locked door, but whatever.) They discuss her temporary insanity. U2's "Beautiful Day" plays over the scene, and it's really quite spectacular.

LANA: I spent the entire day apologizing to the Talon staff and to Lex and to Whitney. I just wish I could remember what happened. Sounds like I got a little out of control there.
CLARK: You spoke your mind and you did what you wanted. Kind of an alpha Lana.
LANA: I couldn't believe what I was wearing.
CLARK: I kinda liked it.
LANA: Clark, I didn't say or do anything embarrassing to you that I should know about, did I?
CLARK: (Pauses) No.
LANA: Good, good. So how does it feel being on top of the world? Or at least Smallville.
CLARK: I feel free.

And as the camera pulls back, and Clark and Lana atop the windmill grow smaller and smaller, I'm left with a slight sense of satisfaction that Lana apparently remembers her encounter with Lex in the Talon, but not her encounter with Clark by the pool. It's a beautiful day.

The End